The door is soon to be closed behind me.
I could turn back...
but the door is swinging dangerously -
it would crush me on my way back...
Looking back I see
everything I left behind
the light I once lived in
everything is so remote
yet every silhouette is so sharp
from the dark gateway
dark is the gateway
I don't know where it leads
I do know that by stepping into it
I crossed the point of no return
though the darkness has not swallowed me yet
now I am in the shadows' field
looking at the fragile reality
from the gloom of the
dark gateway
they said: here could I find the way out
through the mouldy tunnel underground
black-robed people are hanging
dead and numb
on the walls of the corridor in the depth
their faces pruned to black
empty eye orbits stare at me rigidly
dried lips are pulled backover from yellow teeth
the dead are grinning at me infernally
the corridor goes downward
arriving at the dead-end tunnel
finally I understand:
the way out - is the rope
waiting for me at the end of the corridor
I can be free
if I place my head in the knot
my body will hang
at the very end of the corridor
pruned and dried
my empty eye orbits
will warn others
without words
that there is
no way out from here
(at least this will not be in vain
at least I will not be hanging there
in vain
for eternity)
I am waiting.
Hard to be patient
until you arrive -
arrive without invitation...
Come and take the
interim suffering and
all the meaningless filth;
Come and make me
become just like you
Come, let me hide
under your warm cloak
I am numb and cold
among the living
Let me be bloodless
Let me be lifeless
Let me be timeless like you -
sweet, sweet Death
cary and deadly are the depths...
Glance into the well of memories
And face the narrowing depth of the past
- can you see the lively water
glittering at the very bottom?
If you dare throw yourself into the deadly depths,
Seeking for lost treasures hidden below,
could you reach the silvery shine of water
or would you drown into the well
to become nothing but one of the memories?
(...where could I find a rope
to descend on, a rope that would not be torn
bearing my heavy mind?)
your rigid light beams
coldly; white as bone
without life, without soul
as you shine on
horrific creatures
of sleepless nights
meaningless and senseless is
the growth
that your sick fertility brings
everything that you nurture
eats up all life
your beams give no warmth
your shine gives no light
no life is bred from your wet coldness
roaming dead water is your only creature
Fading grey hands reach after me
as I am about to disappear in nothingness
the mist and the gloom get thicker
the hands, the hands that reach after me
become invisible in this obscurity
but I can never be sure:
are the hands, the hands gone
forever into obscurity?
Or are they still here,
grabbing me - invisibly?